So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
a search helicopter?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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