so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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