lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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