I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
