Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We are two peas in an std pod
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
