i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
