i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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