i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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