the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
