in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
