oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
