Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
