I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
