Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wear drunk well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize