Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
