Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize