Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
worst night to have a conscience
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
