Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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