we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
