Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
