I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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