This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my liver is dry heaving
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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