I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
