I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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