u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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