If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
