You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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