I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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