I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
