You just made me feel so damn special
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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