I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize