Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
