3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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