My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
