Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
