there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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