so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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