Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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