I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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