I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
