Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize