There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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