the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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