i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize