The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
