Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
