Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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