Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
