so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
