she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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