Where is the hickey?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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