so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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