evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
