I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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