fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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