You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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