You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
