You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize