Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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