So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
