That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
