Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
