I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
