we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
