I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
