I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
