Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
