I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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